kabbos
By : Suad Youssef – Syria
I am eighteen years old .. Since my childhood I entrusted myself alone because of the preoccupation of my parents and because of the age difference between me and my brothers and sisters … Like most children I was talking to myself whenever I felt bored .. not so strange, however it was strange when I was about thirteen, there was someone responding to me ! … Yes, there was someone responding to me whenever I talked to myself!! ..
There was someone who listened to my concerns which I had never told anyone about…..someone who gave me advice to be a good girl .. as I was not a “good” girl ..I was not close enough to God that period. ..A voice inside was advising me to pray. I was responding to him and I used to call him ” My imaginary brother Yono ” .. and he was calling me ” my little Sopy “
Most of our conversation was inside me or as so-called ” telepathy ” .. because people around me and even my family would not understand such a thing and they might think I was a bit crazy !! .. But the fact was that I had gained my mind back since I decided to listen to the advice of ” Yono ” ..Even though, I sometimes heard his voice like a real person and from time to time, I could feel his touch when he wiped my tears or caressed my shoulder or played with my hair tresses. I even felt his warm breath and herd the sound of his feet and I guess I could see a reflection of his imagination on the walls of my room !! .. I even used to see him in my dreams where he took me to great places .. and I felt he was behind me when I was afraid of the darkness of the night . Also, sometimes I could see him joining me when I pray . Most of you won’t believe what I just wrote.. But God witness that I was not lying, ” Yono ” taught me absolute honesty and I admit I am thankful to him in this matter as I used to invent things to attract people to my conversation , but I stopped doing that now.
My family and social relationships are very complex .. amazingly interfering because I have three brothers and sisters but I have no relation with them, they are only my siblings because we have the same blood, we are not close .. And because of my loneliness, I used to always write. I was encouraged by “Yono ” to write all the details of that imaginary kingdom where he lives, he says that I will come across them one day if I go the right way .. Some of my friends liked the idea of the strange world and the imaginative person (although he is real to me) … They would come and read my writings about him and one of them suggested that I assemble all my writings in one book. That’s the reason why I started writing and I hope I finish it soon and until then I want you to share my strange story. who knows ..one day, you may have my book and read all the details of the strange person who helped me from my early age to move forward despite all those things that could drive me to stop dozens of times .. Each time I fell, his arm helped me to stand up. I never feared him, although I should be terrified when I talk to someone who does not really exist .. but quite the opposite .. I feel a special serenity.. such the one you feel when in the arms of your mother, where the greatest full of warmth and reassurance .. That’s what I felt when I was with him .
